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Everything In Moderation

Welp, there are wedding bells in my future… no not my own, but my adorable, wonderful, fabulous older sister is engaged (!!!) as of this weekend to an equally adorable, wonderful, fabulous man (…boy).

This HUGE event is clearly going to be the topic of many future posts, but is not actually the subject du jour. But in true wedding format, everyone is now on the official “wedding diet” – and by everyone, I mean me {just as a sidenote, I am aware that this is not my own wedding, and yes, I still plan on “shedding for the wedding” (cred for line to my future bro-in-law)}. And so my policy for this engagement (at least in terms of food) is everything in moderation.

So what better time to frivolously spend money on cute things I don’t actually need? I mean this purchase fits my new motto and will look pretty on the shelf! Found courtesy of Daily Candy‘s deals, these little containers have handy measuring units imprinted to help keep portions under control!

 

 

Check out Portionware’s website and happy eating (in moderation)!

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Murphy’s Law Monday

Murphy’s Law: Anything that can go wrong will go wrong. Don’t you hate those days? We all have them and they suck. You feel sorry for yourself, complain, stay in a foul mood, wallowing in your own self-pity. On the bright side though, focus on the positive – when you recountyour tragic tale, tearing up thinking about your crappy luck, keep in mind that you might be able to provide a really entertaining story for your friends.

My friend had one of those days last week and while I feel for her, this email had me cracking up at her expense. So obviously I offered outraged words of comfort and immediately (and very sensitively of course) asked if I could please share with all of you. Just looking out for you guys. Enjoy: 

This is what happened to me.

Doug* and Micah out of town camping for weekend with some stupid guy group.

Friday, the accountant emails me that I have to get our tax shit in Monday and they will do their best.  (Panic setting in.  I do a puzzle.  Procrastinate.  Color with Sally.  Watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.)

Doug says they will be back early on Sunday.  They stroll in at 4:30 (have ignored all 37 calls and texts – apparently no cell coverage.  Even 5 minutes from our house?  I’m pretty sure my phone works outside of our kitchen).  Dumbass.  I tell him of tax emergency.

Sunday night he proceeds to spray paint a piece of plywood that he needs for a golf tournament the next day.

Monday he gets up at 8.  I tell him I need the tax info NOW.  “I’ll get it when I can get it.  When do you expect me to go to my office?”

“RIGHT NOW MOTHER F***ER. I EXPECT YOU TO GET UP AND DO IT RIGHT NOW.  I AM NOT GOING TO JAIL FOR YOU!  THIS IS TAX EVASION!  FELONY!”  (Side note, at least in jail I will have nothing to do but work out and beat people up.)

I tell him to call the accountant at his office and reprint the tax documents.  I will call her.  What is her name?  I will go to her office.  He emails her.  OMG.  Grab sack you asshole!  Get this done!  Do not just email people.  He is such an enabled baby. 

On WEDNESDAY he gets a copy of the 1099 and not other information.  He doesn’t know.  I want to kill him.  I tell people that I want to kill him.  If I kill him, I will be instantly found guilty with incriminating texts and emails that say I want to kill him.  It will not be a crime of passion or self-defense.  Now I am in jail for murder and tax evasion.  All dreams of a Martha Stewart white collar jail experience out of the question.  I wear bright orange and pick up trash on the highway chained to a Mexican drug lord.  I still beat people up and become skinny – I have priorities.

I get home from work on Wednesday at 4 pm.  Doug is not feeling good.  Of COURSE YOU LAZY ASSHOLE YOU ARE SICK.  I take the copy of his 1099 (which states how poor we are) and grab the tax folder and the children.  I need them to use the carpool lane (3 people) and it is RUSH HOUR.  I drop off taxes across bridge.  Bright note: accountant has candy bowl!  Kids are happy.  Reese’s pieces and kit kats.  Yum. 

Pull out of tax office.  Car dies 3 blocks later in middle of street.  I cannot push car anywhere.  I have work clothes on and 2 worthless carpool kids.  We proceed to cause traffic jam with stupid people that do not go around car with hazard lights on.  Dammit!  Motorcycle cop comes.  He has mustache and is nice.  I like him.  30 minutes later 2 chop shop drag racer guys offer to push car.  I love them and I hug them.  One declares that he has a concealed weapon to the cop.  The cop confirms that he has already noticed and can he push his gun down farther.  What?  I hugged guy with gun?  Street cred for jail.  I still love him.  I have no way to thank them – other than stale goldfish and dirty socks from trunk of car.  I suck.  They push my car into coke distributorship and tow truck comes.

Tow truck comes and thinks I am stupid girl.  I don’t care.  He is old and his name is Jack and he stinks like cigarettes.  I love him too, he is nice to me, because he thinks I am stupid.  In jail, I will smoke.  Even skinnier.  This is all working out.  He tows away worthless car.  See ya, asshole.  (Car = asshole.  Tow truck guy = best friend)

Me and 2 carpool kids in coke parking lot.  Some guy offers kids drinks from his minivan – after all we are in a beverage company parking lot!  Yes!  Go with him!  Get a free drink!  He has a window-less van and is offering you free sugary treats!  I let them go.  I am now in jail for tax evasion, murder, and child neglect.  Never getting out.  Terrible citizen, wife, mother.  Skinny and wear orange for life. 

Doug picks us up – he has not answered phone again.  We are waiting in parking lot.  Drinking free coke and powerade and smart water.  Everyone so nice!  I want to marry guy with gun, old tow truck smoker guy, and coke distributor.  Will ask them to visit me in the pen. 

I filled out 27 pages of a tax preparation folder.  Dug through piles of receipts and credit card bills and tax forms.  He gets ONE COPY.  I want to kill him.  Wish I had asked the gun guy how he gets to carry a gun and where do I get one. 

*Names have been changed for protection/humiliation factors.

Happy Monday!

 

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New Neighbor

West Elm is opening it’s doors in Seattle today! I’m so stoked to check it out… I entered to win their $2,000 sweepstakes, but it’s really weird because they haven’t called me yet. It’s dangerously close to work – I think I might have to do a lunchtime drop in.

Here are a couple of things I am coveting in case you wanted to purchase a gift for me:

Essex sofa - just a cool $1,300 - NBD

Love me some gallery frames!

On SALE!

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

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Fabulous Fall

Cozy, crisp October. When fall really starts to seep into your bones. When the sweaters come out from the back of the closet and you’d be a fool to leave the house without gloves and a scarf. When I think of October in Seattle, I think of perfect, crisp fall days. The sun is shining, but it’s not warm. There are not so many rainy days that you grow weary of the gloom… yet. I think of snuggling up in front of a fire with a good book and a cup of tea. And although I probably have only ever done that once in my life, October just puts me in that quaint state of mind. Plus, now that it’s truly fall, I consider it to be totally acceptable to start openly drooling at all the splendor that is the Christmas season.

 As I was daydreaming about October and fall and all the delight that this time of the year brings to me, I began to wonder if I could pinpoint a single, favorite fall memory. A million things and no one specific thing rush to mind – I think what determines the definition of favorite changes over time, so it’s a difficult notion to capture. But nonetheless, in rifling through old memories, I thought of a few winners.

–          Trick-or-treating as a little kid – we would walk around the neighborhood banging on doors and demanding candy (raging on sugar highs does not make for the nicest children). I remember specifically in 6th or 7th grade when our group of girls combined with the boys and we did a co-ed trick-or-treat excursion. Someone’s mom and dad walked behind us at an acceptably embarrassing distance and we ran up and down the hills thinking we were oh-so-cool. I just remember having so much fun that night.

–          Carving pumpkins with my sisters – we would draw with black Sharpie the faces we wanted to make on our jack-o-lanterns and then our dad would carefully extract the cutout portions and we’d scoop out the gross, gooey insides, squealing and cracking up the whole time. Last year I did the “grown up” version and I cut out my creation all by myself. We had a little competition… which one do you think should win??

–          FOOTBALL: pre-teen going to Husky games, high school football (we never won, but it was such a fun social event), college era Husky football (even though we were atrociously bad during my four years, the experience was nothing short of epic), and current Husky football (read: tailgating). I love getting bundled up, making/scromping on deelish tailgate appetizers, socializing, and rooting on my team – fall is always synonymous with football. Go Dawgs!

–          Homemade chili on Halloween – my mom started making this one spooky Halloween night many years ago and it’s become a beloved tradition in our family. Before we went out in our costumes, we sat down to a scrumptious dinner of slow simmered homemade chili with homemade cornbread and homemade apple cider. One year I volunteered to help with the meal, offering to make the cornbread. Upon pulling it out of the oven, I immediately knew I must have done something wrong – it was as flat as my… it was very flat. I realized I had left out the baking powder, so I ditched round one and moved on to round two. Where I proceeded to use baking SODA instead of baking POWDER. Well, they say third time’s a charm… These days, I just use the Marie Callender’s cornbread. It comes in a bag (shameful) and it is perfection. Hard to mess that up.

–          Last year I celebrated the first annual Mashed Potato Madness and besides a slight tiff about the proper way to do dishes (THEY HAVE TO BE RINSED BEFORE YOU PUT THEM IN THE DISHWASHER), it was a fabulous night and so much fun to cook with my sistah (who is a GREAT cook!) This year, I’m hoping she’ll host it at her new (and adorable) house.

 What is/are your favorite memories of fall?

 Here are a few things I’m looking forward to doing during this awesome season (all courtesy of Pinterest.com – I am an addict):

Pumpkin carving – thought this would be a cool idea: use cookie cutters and a hammer to make clean cut shapes (my hand is a wee bit shaky…)

Fun googly-eye nails!

Rolling up a “thankful” fortune in a crescent roll – everyone submits one before Thanksgiving and then you can try to guess whose is whose when you eat them! We’ll try this out at MPM 2011 and report back.

Looking forward to a fabulous fall!

XO

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Free Foxy Knoxy! Right?

I’ve been checking Google all morning waiting for an update on the Amanda Knox verdict – do you think she is innocent or guilty? We’ll know the decision any minute and I literally have no fingernails left! I don’t know anything about her involvement, but she doesn’t seem like a cold, hard killer to me. My vote would be for FREEDOM! And then (fingernail-less) fingers crossed she doesn’t kill anyone upon returning to Seattle… 🙂

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I’m Baaaaack!

I know it’s been a while, but you know how I feel about fall – it’s the most inspirational/wonderful/best smelling time of the year. I used some orange spice lotion last night at a friend’s house and was instantly transported to visions of chunky knit sweaters and cinnamon scented candles and just had to hit the keyboard for a quick post. This time of year makes me feel sentimental and excited all at once. And even though summer just started (and ended) last week here in Seattle, I’m still excited for a fresh start.

One of the things that I’m most excited about includes Husky tailgating – I’m trying to take it to the next level this year (and I do not mean in terms of alcohol consumption). A certain special friend of mine has a tailgate every home game and he is definitely the Yoda of tailgating. Beyond the standard tent and various tailgating chairs/table, he now has a portable flag pole, multiple flags/banners, and a very enthusiastic outlook on the season. And an ever-growing collection of awesome Husky gear. And beer. So what could I possibly bring to the table, you ask? Well I’m sure you intended no pun, but I would like to enhance this already wonderful situation by making deeelish tailgate treats. Yoda is not such a tailgate expert that he has a generator for me to actually keep things warm, so the only hitch in my giddy-up is that I have to make goodies that will taste good at room (parking lot) temperature. Here’s what’s in store for this weekend:

–          Montlake Sin (originally named Mississippi Sin, but I made a small ingredient change, so I feel like it’s my prerogative to make a small nominal change as well). I tweaked this recipe and am going to use a very simple slow-cooker pulled chicken situation instead of the ham. Is your mouth watering?

Serious YUM.

–          Bacon Jalapeño Nibblers – enough said? I think so.

Can't wait!

Anyway, come swing by if you’re cheering on the Dawgs! Otherwise, I will be trying to make more frequent visits here and hope you will too!

 

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Happy Loooooove Day!

Just a few little gems for this LOVEliest of days:
Today’s Google Landing Page – by Robert Indiana

 

Mmmmm! He is: Hale’s Chocolate Stout with Stout caramel buttercream & She is: Pink Champagne by Trophy

I would say Trophy Cupcakes is one of Seattle’s best treasures. What do you think?

To all the fellows - it's probably Geoffrey Chaucer's {read:not your girlfriend's} fault that Valentine's Day is what it is...

“For this was Saint Valentine’s Day, when every bird cometh there to choose his mate.”

 

{Modern Day} Love Birds card via Tiny Prints - ohso-adorbs 🙂

 

You are the ketchup to my fries XO {For sale on Etsy}

Mmm food and love in a cute wall decor poster – doesn’t get much better than that! 

 

She is just so darling, I couldn't help it.

 Courtesy of Apartment #34 (via ban.do)

I’m slightly obsessed with the Keep Calm & Carry On renaissance right now, so this seemed fitting

 

Oh Deb, she’s at it again: Black&White Heart Brownies = deeeelish!

Best for last – Deb made these darling little brownies recently so I’m thinking I’m going to have to give them a try… immediately! Check out the recipe at SmittenKitchen

XOXO

 

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